lessons in poetry
what ever will I do next?
on my birthday back in feb I took myself to barnes n’ noble as a gift and bought a few poetry books.
I also spent a good hour in the poetry section, reading a few of my favorite authors’ works I haven’t seen in a while.
I also found some new favorites I haven’t been able to put down.
consuming poetry as I have been has brought back so many memories of my childhood. sitting on my bedroom floor, flipping through the new poetry book I got from the library that day. I’ve read every single poetry book in my middle school library—multiple times. but this was still my favorite part of the day.
I would have finished my homework, albeit incorrectly, since there was always math that no one could check for me. practice had just ended, and I finished my chores after eating a quick dinner. it wasn’t my turn to shower, so I’d have about 30 minutes of peace before the noise started again.
I’d read my new treasure over and over again. write notes in the margins (or my book journal since it was a library copy…I’m not a complete savage) and just create my own world of poetry. I adored it. but it was just a dream.
or so I was sold…
because those 30 minutes would always end, and it’d be my turn to shower again. to wipe clean my individuality so society and my family would like me.
art is just a fun dream, not a reality.
you can’t make money being an artist.
you can’t have stability with your creativity.
you’re not even artistic. why are you trying to do something half-assed when you could be doing something to perfection?
so you see, poetry wasn’t in the cards for me. but my inner child has been screaming at me recently. to be let out and be free. so I bought some poetry books and devoured them just as I had as a child. it cracked open a badly healed scar, but I was able to soothe it almost instantly.
i’ve been writing a poem a day since the beginning of March now. we’ll see where i’m at in a month. maybe i’ll keep them close or maybe i’ll finally hit publish. the world may never know.
all I know is the hole in my chest is finally closing, it just took me a while to find the key. if you’ve ever been lost in life or writing, I hope you’ll come on this healing journey with me.
🫶 CA